I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
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Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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