The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
