im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
