i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just had sex bonerless
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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