I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
