it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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