It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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