Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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