I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
