I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
