Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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