While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There r osticjed everywhere
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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