im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
