They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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