who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
