a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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