if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
