I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
