If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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