apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize