dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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