God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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