so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
