I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
