ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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