did you get engaged???
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
