Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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