Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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