I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
