I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
