party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
then he tried to convert me to islam
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
