Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
