I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
