then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Everyone says I win the strip club
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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