So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
