U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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