the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
