make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
