I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
