Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
