you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
