so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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