I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
