I am puke
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you inspire me to be a worse person
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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