Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize