We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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