windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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