3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
