You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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