youre lurking in front of me
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
