I puked a lego.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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