Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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