I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
