I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
