well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
