I think my fart just growled at me.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
