At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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