im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
