Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
this just has baby written all over it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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