I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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