I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
