I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
